In Which I Don't Know What's Going On

13.11.2008

So today was far more productive in its original principle than it turned out to be. Yeah, I skipped classes. Don't regret that. Slept a bit more. Went to the library a bit later than I had intended. Did a tad bit of work. Spent an absurd amount of time on the computer doing ... I'm not sure what? Oh well.

Oh, and, uh, on the news this morning I saw a story on the news that was showing newspapers from the New York Times with headlines saying "IRAQ WAR ENDS, Troop Withdrawal to Begin Immediately" and "Former President George W. Bush Indicted for High Treason." I wasn’t really paying attention to what was being said, though, so I looked all over a few major news sites for these stories and found absolutely nothing ... ? I'm starting to think that I dreamed this up. Which kind of scares me because I was entirely convinced of it all day until I just started writing it, here, which is absurd since Bush is STILL the president and the chance of troop withdrawal this soon is zero to none, not to mention I don't think anyone is indicted for "high treason" in this day and age. That kind of scares me -- Am I really that detached from reality?

There are many times when I feel this country is beyond description. I do very little justice in my cultural comparisons, really. And I usually feel this while walking across that damned bridge to Bobrinskij. I hate that damned bridge. It's too long, and it's cold and windy. I can't wait until the rain starts freezing on it, and then I SLIP and FALL into the Neva and DIE. Looking forward, I am.

I really want to go to Dolche & Gabbana and just try on all their clothes. And march around. And be obnoxious. But I can't convince anyone to go with me. Because I'm sure as hell not going to do that by myself.

I remember a lot of people asking if I were going to be fluent in Russian by the end of my study abroad. I also remember several people in the program, during orientation, stating one of their goals as "being fluent" by the end of the semester. In both instances I was somewhat mortified, and was wondering if I was being hard on myself/if my expectations were off, or if everyone's idea of either fluency or language acquisition was just completely fucked. I've come to realise that it's definitely the latter. I mean, when I first came I was having a lot of frustrations with the language merely because I thought I knew more than I did, but after a few weeks I was over that. I've heard many people in the program complain, though, that they're never going to learn the language, etc... I don't know, I just thought that was somewhat interesting. I'm also interested in seeing how much Sarah and Anndal have improved in Italian and French, since those languages are much much closer to English than Russian is, and a great deal easier to acquire. Of course, THEY'RE PROBABLY SPEAKING THEIR LANGUAGES MORE THAN I AM, TOO. SO, THERE IS THAT.

My main 'regret,' really, is that I didn't make one decent friend while here. I mean, outside of the program. I've met several fantastic Americans here, with whom I plan on continuing correspondance after I've already left. BUT, that's not why I came here. I mean, I'm already disappointed with the LACK of speaking that I'm doing, here [Though, I did have a great conversation with Liza, today, so that was good]. It's just so damned difficult to make friends. I knew it would be, but the Russian closedness has proven even more difficult to deal with than I originally thought. I think I've already gone into this, though, so I won't bother again.

One thing I'm not looking forward to upon returning to Goucher is the fact that I WON'T HAVE A SINGLE. I'll probably be thrown into a room with four other people that was meant for TWO. But in all seriousness, I really don't think I can live with anyone next semester, unless they happen to be Brendan, Jen, or Sarah, none of which are going to happen, clearly. I'm terrified of what may happen.

Know what I want? A milkshake. Or a strawberry smoothie. Mmm, that sounds good...

I'm going to get a mullet.


P.S.: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7728407.stm I died.