In Which Two Posts Are Uploaded

08.12.2008

First thing that happens, today? I arrive at Smolny and go to take my coat off when the bottom button pops off. Fuck. That's two out of three. Needless to say, I can't button that coat up anymore. And it is getting quite cold. Quite cold, indeed.

I had my last Grammar class, today. That was kind of sad, since it was my favorite. So now I have to put up with all my other RSL classes for one more week. Then ... exams. That's somewhat horrifying.

And then in Human Rights, I didn't understand much of anything. Then he gave us an assignment I didn't really understand. And finally, he assigned me my final, which I didn't really understand. But it's no different than previous classes, and somehow I received an A for the first half of the semester (probably for effort... Hell, I deserve a fucking A+++ for effort), so I'm not going to stress out about that class too much. More importantly, I realised that I have become quite skilled at walking on SOLID SHEETS OF ICE since I've been here. I don't know how the Russians zoom along like they do, especially the women wearing stiletto heels. I haven't seen a damned person even come CLOSE to slipping ever since the freezing started, but I've fallen twice and come close to it nearly every day, now, damn it.

The host brother, Dima, is sick again. Every time he gets sick, he just lies in his room for days on end watching bad anime on the children's channels. That includes, Pokemon. Ash's voice is as annoying as ever in Russian as it is in English.

Speaking of annoying voices, there is little else that is more painful to listen to than a Russian couple argue. Or complain, in general. I was going to say women specifically, but then I realised the men are as bad. The intonation is just so RELENTLESS and METHODICAL that I am convinced it could take down walls. I don't know, that doesn't make any sense. I'll have to post a video some time or something.

So, Kate's entry inspired me, somewhat. I'm not going to write a "WHAT A LEARNED" essay (as she called it), of course, since it's still a bit early for me to do that, but one thing struck me in particular.

If someone asked me, or hell, whenever I ask myself, if I could see myself living in Russia in the future, my initial response would definitely be "Yes, why not?" But then, I ask the "Why not," to myself, and I remember the reasons as to why I just want to go back to the U.S., specifically. For one, I just can't EXPRESS myself as I'd like, here. And I don't mean through language. I can't dress how I like when I'm inspired, and so forth. Hell, I can't TALK how I'd like, I can't be as FREE with thought and word, much less dress. I have to hide who I am, here, and in some ways live a double life. Of course, my position is not as half as bad as it would be if I were Russian, but that's an entirely different story. In any case, the fact of the matter is, I AM confined here, and that's plain as day (Well, a CLEAR day, in any case, but the St Petersburg winter days are grey and we only have a few hours of sunlight at this point, so).

But then, really -- How much longer am I going to be as free as I am right now? Not much longer. After college, I will get a job. This job will most likely be connected with something political. Perhaps I'll fill another useless bureaucratic position in the UN (WHOOPS! Did I just downtalk a liberal internationalist construction?). Оf course, the creative aspect of me recoils in horror at the prospect of me working anything political, or, for that matter, working in any job in which I have to wear a SUIT, but I guess the alternative is being POOR and JOBLESS. But in any case, perhaps if I did end up doing something in Russia, I would end up carving my own space out, here, anyway. I mean, I am in a ... very specific situation. That is to say, I am a student, dropped here for six months, living with a family I hadn't known before coming here. And that's that.

So perhaps my answer is, I don't know if I'd live here or not. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I don't even want to think about that, right now. I'm in college. I'm going to enjoy myself now, and that's that. I have really good feelings about this coming semester (Minus my possible living situation, or LACK THEREOF). But I'll save those for a later date -- I don't want to get too excited right now, when I still have a month and two days left in this country.

Вот и все.

09.12.2008

I have been having a lot of trouble with sleep, recently. More than usual, anyway. I'm not entirely sure what's going on -- I'm not particularly stressed about finals or anything, and I'm keeping a fairly regular sleep schedule. Despite this, it takes me hours to get to sleep at night, then when I finally fall asleep, I can't wake up. I've almost been late for my Tuesday and Thursday classes this past week and a half. Not that that's a huge deal since I'm never late and I've gone to almost every class. The funny thing is is that I'll wake up before my alarm, at like seven in the morning, feeling pretty much awake and fine, but clearly just go back to sleep since I have a couple hours before I have to do anything. But then my alarm goes off at 9 and I'll hit the Snooze button like fifty times until I have barely any time to eat breakfast and do the half hour commute. But, it doesn't actually even matter after this Thursday, because I'll only have three classes a week after this week, and they're all after 1pm.

... Wait, it does matter, because I have exams next week. Fuck. Well, nevermind that.

I felt sick half the day, which was no good, and I was completely out of it during Phonetics. I felt like I was back in Russian 110 when reading junk out aloud. Every time we'd come to a word people didn't know, I'd be all "OH, I KNOW THIS WORD. (totally incorrect explanation)." "Uh, no, it is (complete opposite of what I said)" (e.g.: I thought a particular word meant imagination. it meant armaments) That happened about three times before I decided to just shut up.

Second class was much better.

I tried to pick up a package from the post office, today. I failed and ended up running away in terror. For one, the line was huge and in the 15 minutes I was there they had given a single person their package and started processing someone's pension pick up or something. Secondly, they were yelling at everyone for doing everything wrong, and three navy guys came up in line behind me, and I didn't particularly want to suffer the humiliation of being yelled at as a stupid American in such a situation.

Actually, that brings me to another topic. I feel like I've discussed this before, but perhaps it bears repeating. It is just tremendously unpleasant to have to do much of anything, here. That is to say, shopping, picking up a package, going to a restaurant, and so on. Some of it stems from the horrific bureaucracy, while the rest of it stems from the absolute lack of customer service, or what an American (or, for that matter, ANYONE FROM WESTERN CIVILISATION) would call "common courtesy," or "civility." Alright, yes, cultural differences, whatever. The thing is, from what I've seen even here is that civility seems universal amongst everyone except RUSSIANS. And by that, I mean ethnic Russians. Those of Central Asian ethnicity, Caucasian ethnicity, and hell even Belorussians and Ukrainians display some level of friendliness, especially in comparison to the Russians. Now, to be perfectly honest, I don't really care. For the most part. Because, since it IS the cultural norm here to be entirely offput at having to actually get up and do work during your shitty job, then it really isn't "rude," persay. That, and it makes for some good stories, at least. And clearly it could be argued that the "civility" that most Americans display is completely superficial and sterile. So, which is worse? Perhaps it just depends on the situation. Whatever. That's that.

Actually, one thing I WILL say straightforward, that I know I've said in the past: Men are total jackasses, especially if they're my age. But that, too, seems universal.

In other news, I seem to have forgotten how to write a correct capital N. Every time I try, it comes out looking like И. That's mildly frustrating.

Later:

So, I decided to plug in the TV, and that was a terrible mistake. As a result, I have gotten nothing done in the past three hours.